I want to sink into dirt

Become one with the earth

Until worms eat me whole

No body just a soul.

You’re more than a musician

Or a producer

An influence

To your friends

Or a hard worker

You’re more

Than describable words

Confusing feelings

I know your love ain’t fleeting

I could see you again

I could picture you

You dressed up that afternoon

You knew I’d be seeing you

In the basement

“Playing video games”

“Writing music”

Innocent

Hypocrite

You wanted me just as bad

I could smell it on you

You wore your cologne

You never do

It was to see me

I knew

And I know now

You’re lying to your friends

And I can taste it

Just like those lips

That I may never kiss

But then again,

I’ll wait forever

I couldn’t ever lock you out

Your eyes could spin me into another dimension

Green clouds, sunbeams piercing my eyes

You’re so lovely with your words

So beautiful I could cry

We could conquer the world

Music and all

We could conquer the world

Standing so tall

You’d rather love a man

With no loyalty in his bones

No loyalty in his soul

Than to grow with a woman

Who would give it all

Just for you

A man that was born in the beginning

Of the fall

All along we were suppose to

Fall

Together

In September

I told you

I’d wait forever

Everyone ends up hating me in the end

They say they love me but they lie

No emotions it’s all a disguise

I see through the bullshit

Clever smiles

Cheap thrills

I’ll keep my heart close

seal my walls

Until they cave

I’m deprived of love

Closing the gates

I don’t need you to like me

I need to like myself

Fresh fruit;

Maybe he prefers the softer woman, the ones without tattoos.

Maybe he prefers a traditional Christian woman, one without the taboo.

Maybe he likes them younger and not as old me

Looking like they’re brand new and they’re picked right off a tree.

Journal entries

Bury me

Bury me inside of you

Let my breathing be subdued

Squeeze my bones until they break

Scratch me up until I bleed

Watch what you say to me

I may believe you, until you leave

Ill be running after you down the street

I will chase you on repeat

You’re the last thought I have before I sleep

You’re what I think of when I peak

Kill me

Slowly

Swiftly

However you wish

Just please my love,

Give me it.

Im sick of the selfish intentions

You’re refusing to learn the lessons

No incentive to be better

Just another mistake to regret later

Subjective to becoming worse than your brother

No pride from your mother

Might as well call your father, tell him he won

You already jumped before the gun

Done, done.

I’ve said it so many times before

But, I’m never done until you’re

More.

More than you gave

More than what your brother could’ve saved

More than mother has taken away

More than the pain your father deserves

More than what you could have learned

You can do better

I know you and you can do better

Maybe the man I once knew is dead

Maybe the man I know can die again

We can change

But only if we want to

I wish you wanted to

Herion takes all my favorite people.

Herion took my sons dad.

Herion took the love of my life.

Herion took my sisters teenage years.

Herion killed my friends kids.

I don’t even use herion but it kills me.

Never let anybody get too close to you.

Because they’re going to hurt you.

Fuck you for giving me hope.

Fuck you for making me feel like a joke.

Fuck you for telling me lies about why and how, who and where.

I’m starting to not care, I know you don’t want me to.

But everytime I start to, you call me from a cell.

Never your own, just jail.

This is getting stale.

Well, I’m still here aint I?

Never stopped believing you, why try?

I could give you plenty reasons to stop.

But you have one reason to make the conversation drop.

Do what you want to, I’m sick of getting hopeful.

Fuck this shit, no control.

Take the wheel, you always had it.

I’m done with the shit, I’m crashing.

Fuck you for giving up

The only thing I’m good at, is fucking things up.